Even though I know none of those people who found parking spots right up front (seconds before I got there) knew that they were making a pregnant lady’s day just that much harder, I was still upset enough to slam the door when I finally did manage to push myself out of the car. Of course, I was far enough away for anyone to even remotely notice my small act of fury.
But anyone who looked at my face would’ve seen that any light and hope I might’ve displayed previously had been sucked out of me. Yeah, it’d been one of those days.
It was while I was looking like I’d just been hit by a train, a rolling pin, and dragged for a mile over glass that the dude started talking at me. He was passing me in the parking lot when he took one look at my face and then kept looking… doing the up-and-down scan that men tend to do when they’re performing the “routine checkup” on a woman. I had been attempting to ignore him when he started speaking loudly at me:
“Ooh, you’re a pretty lady. REAL pretty lady! You look fiiine!”
Ok, I know the guy had possibly recognized that I’d had a bad day and was probably trying to cheer me up in the one way he could think of. But.. ewwww! When he said, “REAL pretty lady!” he leered, stopping his progression down the parking lot so he could raise his voice and make it known to all that I, the hobbling pregnant lady, was “reeeeeaal pretty.” (*cue creepy, twangy music to the movie Deliverance*)
Even though he probably thought he was doing me a service, he only managed to creep me out. Besides, I’m pretty sure he was a leprechaun. He was at least 10 years older than me, a foot shorter than me, and was wearing a hat that brought to mind Ireland on a cold spring day. Just sayin!
Again, love love love your blogs! You are seriously hilarious in the way that you write. Thanks for making me giggle and smile tonight as I needed that!
ReplyDeleteohmygosh, thanks so much for that! :)
ReplyDeleteSo, no "pot of gold" for you at the end of the rainbow? I mean, in Wal-Mart, that kind of thing USUALLY happens in the restroom!
ReplyDeleteYou may have missed out on your soul mate, crip!
;)
I count my lucky stars that I haven't found any "pots of gold" in any bathrooms as of late. ew!
ReplyDeleteBut thanks for making me laugh. Ok, it was more like squeezing my eyes shut and throwing my head back while grinning and chuckling grimly. ;) You crack me up, Harv! Next time I need a date I'll be sure to hang out in the Walmart parking lot. Especially if there's a rainbow nearby!
Wow! You actually met a leprechaun, and he thought you were fiiiine? I'm surprised you didn't jump all over that one! What would the world be like without Walmart? Where would we go when we want to see people who are worse off than ourselves? Where would we get inspiration for our blogs? I hope I never find out!
ReplyDeleteThe characters at Walmart are some of the funniest and mysterious I've ever seen. NO doubt about it!
ReplyDeleteI want to shoot that little man. You are a pretty lady tho, you just have forgotten that in your hugeness. Thats the first thing I thought when I saw you the first time "She is one of the prettiest people I have ever seen" No joke...and Im not trying to get a date either...although I AM open to the prospect..
ReplyDeleteNow I'M blushing. :) Thanks for that Rebecca. Now I'm going to go hide my face under a pillow and giggle at the thought that you might've been mackin' on me.
ReplyDeleteHahahahaaaa!